Bucky Gleason is a No-Talent Ass Clown

Congratulations, Bucky Gleason. You've been trying all summer, and finally succeeded in proving that you're a complete asshole a true visionary among the nation's sportswriters. At a time when the athletic community has been rocked by a litany of scandals, one voice has the courage to speak out against the true villains: sports fans. That's right, kids...we've been very bad, and now Uncle Bucky is here to let us know that we will be held accountable for our sins.

Ron Mexico's dogfighting? Our fault.
Tim Donaghy betting on games he officiated? Our fault.
Barry Bonds* taking steroids? Our fault.
A-Rod getting paid $20 million per season? Our fault.
The Bills raising ticket prices? Yep, you guessed it. We did that, too.


Oh, and guess what? he got a whole 384 words into this column before bringing up his jihad against the Sabres' front office, when he chided all those not enlightened enough to share his opinions:

" Funny, but every time you hold people accountable in sports, you’re certain to hear from people who want to know why you’re picking on their favorite teams. Gee, I don’t know. My guess is that some of us are more interested in facts over self-serving fantasy."


Gee, Bucky...that was really subtle. Whoever taught your correspondence course in journalism must be so proud. Alright then, if that's how you want to play it, we can do that.

You want to talk about self-serving fantasy, Bucky? Let's talk about how your hard-on for Chris Drury makes it Darcy's fault that he wanted to play in the Garden.

How dare you preach to me, you sanctimonious prick? You legitimately think that you can somehow justify your ludicrous crusade by blaming and belittling us, the fans? If anything, you should be on your knees every night thanking whoever it is that you pray to for Buffalo sports fans; if you worked in a market like New York, Boston, or Dallas the fans would surely have lynched you by now for the rediculous shit you keep trying to force down our throats.

Oh, and Bucky? If you're really going to try and pull off a Rick Riley-style "the sports world is going to hell in a handbasket and we're all a little bit to blame" column? You should probably try to at least get through 600 words without directly contradicting yourself. You talk about how much you enjoy(ed) sports:

"For me, sports were a release from the real world. There’s nothing better than watching athletes do what they do best, seeing them react under intense competition and pressure."

And yet, the very next paragraph?

"And you know who else deserves blame? You do.

Sports have grown so much because you keep watching."

Interesting. So for you, there is nothing better than watching athletes do what they do. But for us, the common peasants, the fact that we watch sports makes us responsible for all of the sporting world's ills. You're right, Bucky. You are clearly the only one capable of appreciating pure athletic competition. I know that I watch the NFL not because I like football, but to support animal cruelty, drunk driving, and shooting bouncers in the spine.

We already talked about your penchant for "self-serving fantasy," so let's get to the facts. You're a bitter, middle-aged man who writes a sixth-rate column for a second-rate newspaper. Which part of that qualifies you to judge me, or any sports fan for that matter? That's a silly question, of course. Everybody knows you can't actually see individual people from way up on that high horse of yours. Maybe one day that wind tunnel affixed to the front of your head will provide sufficient thrust to knock you out of the ivory tower you seem to have taken up residence in...and you know what, Bucky? It's a long way to the ground.

So yeah, I'm going to keep watching sports. And I'm going to keep buying tickets. Nice try, but it's going to take a much better writer than you to convince me to alter my life in any way. But you did make one point in that column that resonated with me, which was rather like finding a dollar bill in the garbage; not quite enough to make up for the fact that you're digging through foul-smelling trash, but better than nothing. You intimated that we as fans should be put off by some of the salaries in sports. Well, there is one salary in the sports world that absolutely makes me sick to my stomach: whatever the Buffalo News pays you for that abortion of a column. To me, that's more outlandish than the paychecks of A-Rod, Rashard Lewis, and J.D. Drew combined.


In conclusion: get a real job, you fucking hack. God knows you're not any good at the one you have now.